And yet, that ugly voice of insecurity has reared its head this week, attempting to steal the joy of impacting others. While the comments were a celebration, my insecure heart saw them as an expectation—a weight to carry. I felt the weight of the gift of impacting others, and suddenly I understood why the men in the parable buried the talent/money given to them—they let the expectation paralyze instead of propelling them to action. They saw it as a load to protect instead of a foundation to build on; forgetting that the talent given to them was a gift of grace.
So tonight I took a deeper look and realized that Inspiration has many meanings such as:
1. the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative: "the history of fashion has provided designers with invaluable inspiration" with synonyms like : creativity · inventiveness · innovation · ingenuity · genius · imagination · and :originality · artistry · insight · vision · finesse · flair a person or thing that inspires: synonyms: guiding light · example · model · muse · motivation ·
2. the drawing in of breath; inhalation.
The irony in all of this is that I wanted my list to inspire others, because life has meaning when we spend it with and for others-using our God-given gifts in the world around us. Even in completing the list I didn’t do it alone—people shared their need for financial support, went on the underground tour, all over New York City, and ran a 5K with me. The encouragement from you has been grace—a God-given gift reminding me of his love for me by the love shown by others. I want my life to show others’ God’s love for them.
§a sudden brilliant, creative, or timely idea:
"then I had an inspiration"
For me personally, the 30 by 30 list was more of the second definition-a drawing in of breath and life into my heart, mind, and soul that had been so wounded and silenced by spiritual abuse. It was an opportunity for me to re-engage with life and the community around me. This list brought new joy and life—helping me to focus my time and energy on others, as well as regain spiritual, mental and emotional health. Looking back, I am so thankful for the goals that guided me the last six months. Before I wrote the list I prayed FOR inspiration—that each of the 30 would be intentional and life-giving for myself and others—a way for me to step out in faith again. Inspiration is contagious.